Skip the Silent Treatment: Address Conflict with Connection.
Posted by: Sue Atkins
Lots of us withdraw at the first sign of conflict, suppress things, withhold things & wait for people to figure out what’s wrong with us, like a mind reader, instead of just being honest about what’s going on.
It’s more helpful to ask yourself:
‘What am I actually upset about?
What am I actually feeling?
What is this really about?’
It’s about getting to the root of the problem otherwise it will keep coming up.
It’s not about wanting the other person to change as that’s usually wishful thinking – it’s often about doing your own self work, showing up to the relationship with your own sense of personal responsibility and self-awareness and being open & honest about how you feel.
Don’t punish the other person by withdrawing and waiting for things to blow up before having a conversation.
Notice what’s wrong – perhaps what need is not being met, think about what you want to say & how you want to say it & choose a good time to come together to talk about it
I always say to my clients ‘Strike when the iron is cold’ – not when you’re angry!
How you resolve conflict & difficulties shows your kids how to handle relationships.
They’re learning, looking & listening to you all the time, as you are a blueprint for love, relationships & handling niggles conflict & rows.
Respect is the key energy of any loving relationship & remembering that your partner is their own person with their own desires, their own needs, their own experiences, their own ways of seeing the world – they’re not you.
It’s about learning and accepting them for who they are on their own journey and being able to love & respect them from there – not always easy but an important valuable lesson.