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In an age where digital technology is omnipresent, the internet has become an inescapable part of daily life, especially for the younger generation.
Boys, in particular, are often drawn to the vast online world, where they find entertainment, social interaction, and a sense of belonging.
However, this allure can sometimes turn into a harmful obsession, leading to a range of problems that parents and carers must address.
Just like the allure of the Sirens known for their mesmerising voices and songs luring sailors to their doom – the internet offers similar enticements.
The male crisis didn’t begin on the day that boys traded their flip phones for smartphones packed with social media apps but the trend has accelerated in the years since everyone got a smartphone.
As Jonathan Haidt points out in his excellent book ‘The Anxious Generation’ the role of digital and entertainment technologies has played an important role in pulling and keeping boys away from the real world as the virtual world sent out a siren song that sounded sweeter, on average, to boys than it did to girls.
The virtual world was magical for many boys. In addition to letting them interact with new gadgets, it also enabled them to do—safely—the sorts of things they find extremely exciting but not available in real life: for example, jumping out of planes and parachuting into a jungle war zone where they meet up with a few friends to battle other groups of friends to the (virtual) death.
Just as video games became more finely tuned to boys’ greater propensity for coalitional competition, the real world, and especially school, got more frustrating for many boys: shorter playtimes, bans on rough and tumble play, and ever more emphasis on sitting still and listening.
The struggles of boys has received far less attention. I hope that is now changing. We can, and must, figure out how to help boys and men flourish, too.
Tune in to ‘Navigating the Digital Jungle with Sue Atkins and Friends’ podcast as we explore & discuss this important subject
The internet offers boys numerous attractions that can be difficult to resist. Online gaming, social media, and streaming platforms provide immediate gratification and a means to escape reality.
The anonymity of the online world also allows boys to experiment with different identities and explore interests without fear of judgment.
While these aspects can be positive, they also pose significant risks.
Why This Has Happened: Insights from Jonathan Haidt’s Research
Jonathan Haidt, a prominent social psychologist, has extensively researched the impact of social media and internet use on young people. Haidt argues that several factors have contributed to the increasing allure of the internet for boys and the resulting negative consequences:
Rise of Social Media:
Social media platforms have transformed the way young people interact. These platforms are designed to be addictive, with features like endless scrolling, likes, and notifications providing constant stimulation and validation.
Boys, in particular, may find these features compelling, leading to excessive use.
Instant Gratification:
The internet provides instant access to entertainment, information, and social interaction. This immediate gratification can be particularly appealing to boys, who may be drawn to quick rewards in gaming or social media, leading to a preference for online activities over real-world experiences.
Anonymity and Exploration:
The anonymity of the internet allows boys to explore different aspects of their identity and interests without fear of judgment. This can be both liberating and dangerous, as it may expose them to harmful content or unhealthy behaviors.
Cultural Shifts:
Changes in societal norms and expectations have also played a role. Increased academic pressures, reduced opportunities for unstructured play, and changes in family dynamics may drive boys to seek refuge online.
Algorithmic Influence:
Algorithms on social media and gaming platforms are designed to maximize user engagement. These algorithms often expose users to increasingly extreme or engaging content, keeping boys hooked and leading to longer periods of online activity.
Social Isolation:
As boys spend more time online, they may withdraw from face-to-face interactions, leading to social isolation. This withdrawal can impede the development of crucial social skills and result in a lack of meaningful relationships.
Mental Health Issues:
Prolonged internet use is linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. The constant exposure to curated, often unrealistic portrayals of life on social media can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
Academic Decline:
The distraction of the internet can lead to poor academic performance. Boys may neglect their studies in favour of online activities, resulting in lower grades and diminished future prospects.
Reduced Motivation:
The instant gratification provided by the internet can decrease boys’ motivation to engage in real-world challenges. This can hinder the development of perseverance and resilience, qualities essential for success in life.
Exposure to Harmful Content:
The internet can expose boys to inappropriate or harmful content, including violence, pornography, and extremist ideologies. This exposure can negatively influence their attitudes and behaviours.
‘Boys are in trouble. Many have withdrawn from the real world, where they could develop the skills needed to become competent, successful, and loving men. Instead, many have been lured into an ever more appealing virtual world in which desires for adventure and for sex can be satisfied, at least superficially, without doing anything that would prepare them for later success in work, love, and marriage.
And all of this withdrawal happened before the arrival of the metaverse, which is just now taking shape, and before the arrival of increasingly compelling, witty, attractive, and customizable AI girlfriends. The virtual world is becoming ever more immersive and addictive. Every year it will pull harder and harder on boys, urging them to abandon the real world. We’ve got to make the real world more appealing for them.
Jonathan Haidt
Parents play a crucial role in helping their sons navigate the seductive pull of the internet.
Here are some strategies to mitigate the risks and foster healthy internet habits:
Set Clear Boundaries:
Establishing rules for internet use, such as time limits and restricted access to certain sites, can help manage your son’s online activity. Consistent enforcement of these rules is essential.
Promote Offline Activities:
Encourage participation in offline activities, such as sports, hobbies, and family outings. These activities can provide a healthy balance and reduce reliance on the internet for entertainment and social interaction.
Model Healthy Behaviour:
Demonstrate balanced internet use in your own life. By setting an example, you show your son the importance of integrating online activities with real-world experiences.
Maintain Open Communication:
Foster an open dialogue about internet use. Discuss the potential dangers and benefits, and encourage your son to share his online experiences. This can help you stay informed and address any issues that arise.
Educate About Online Safety:
Teach your son about the importance of online safety, including protecting personal information and recognising harmful content. Equip him with the skills to navigate the internet responsibly.
Monitor Internet Use:
While respecting your son’s privacy, monitor his internet usage to ensure it is appropriate. Use parental control tools and periodically review his online activity.
Support Academic Responsibilities:
Help your son prioritise his academic responsibilities by creating a conducive study environment and establishing a balanced schedule that includes both study and leisure time.
Encourage Real-life Social Interactions:
Facilitate opportunities for your son to interact with peers in real life. Encourage participation in team sports, clubs, or community activities to build strong social connections.
Stay Involved:
Take an active interest in your son’s online world. Understand the games he plays and the social media platforms he uses. This involvement can foster mutual understanding and trust.
Seek Professional Help if Necessary:
If your son exhibits signs of internet addiction or significant behavioural changes, consider seeking help from a counsellor or therapist who specialises in digital addiction.
The siren song of the internet is powerful, offering boys a world of immediate gratification and endless entertainment.
The potential dangers are significant, making it essential for parents to guide their sons in developing healthy internet habits.
By setting boundaries, encouraging offline activities, and maintaining open communication, parents can help their sons navigate the digital landscape safely and effectively.
Balancing the allure of the online world with real-life experiences is crucial for fostering well-rounded, resilient young men ready to face the challenges of the modern world.
Have those ‘big conversations’ be bold & brave in talking about the dangers – my advice is to just watch your tone of voice – don’t whine, don’t lecture – explain.
You are nurturing a man and a future father – don’t hide from talking to them.
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