Topic of the Month – Grow Old With Me
Posted by: Sue Atkins
Keeping the Glow with your Partner.
Just relax and breathe deeply and slowly for a few moments and think about the most romantic, passionate, sensual and loving moments in your life.
What were you doing….. seeing…… hearing and feeling in those magic moments?
What would you be willing to do, or give up doing, to experience these beautiful moments regularly and consistently in your life?
What would you do differently?
What would you be willing to go through or give to take your relationship to that level of magic now?
What has prevented and stopped you from experiencing this level of love and passion consistently in your life?
What have you failed to do or say?
What must change now?
Just daydream, reflect and ponder on those questions quietly over the next few days and notice what comes into your mind.
The secret to creating and experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling relationship is to first work on you!
If you know who you are and what you can give to your partner then you really are on the right path to happiness and fulfilment.
There are 6 Levels of love in a relationship:
1. A wonderful relationship with love and passion.
2. A relationship with love, but little or no passion.
3. A relationship with not much love and not much passion.
4. You are already planning your escape strategy.
5. You’re not currently in a relationship, but want to be in one.
6. You’re not in a relationship and you don’t want to be in one.
Points to Ponder!
• Which type of relationship are you in at the moment?
• How would you rate your current relationship with your partner on a 1- 10? (10 being the best and 1 the worst)
• Is it everything you hoped for or has it become squeezed down your list of priorities since having children and lost it’s sparkle due to what I call the “socks and pants” of family life – the daily trivia of school runs and ironing?
• Do you think it’s naïve to think you can have a wonderfully fulfilling relationship with your partner long term?
• What things do you do to consistently improve and nurture your relationship?
• What things could you stop doing that would help the relationship?
• What things could you start to do that would nurture and improve the relationship?
What can you do to change first? (make a cup of tea for your partner when they’ve come in from work instead of launching in about your day, ask an interesting question to get your partner talking and opening up and really listen to the answer, make a date to go out alone without the kids once a month, bite your tongue about the socks on the floor and the undone ironing as it doesn’t really make for a great loving relationship long term if you constantly nag, could you smile more and frown less?)
• What would be the benefits to you, your partner and your children if you started to do these things more often?
• What’s stopping you?
• Are you waiting for your partner to change?
• What would happen if you realised that’s never going to happen?
• How would it feel to make your own changes anyway?
• How would you feel about yourself?
• What emotions would you start to feel inside if you knew you were doing your best daily anyway?
• How would you know that your relationship was improving?
• How could you get addicted to finding out what your partner really liked, enjoyed and wanted within your relationship?
• How could you get addicted to finding out what their dreams are now, what makes them laugh, what their fears are and what their needs are?
The 3 Characteristics of Relationships
Characteristic One: The Egocentric Level – It’s all about me.
If you are in this type of relationship your focus is consistently on what you are getting from the relationship and you try to control things in the relationship based on the outside, external view of the world according to your needs, wants, beliefs and rules.
Characteristic Two: The Ethnocentric Level – It’s all about equality.
If you are in this type of relationship your focus is on meeting both your needs – yours as well as your partners. Your belief is “I’ll take care of my needs and you’ll take care of your own needs. We will try to take care of each other, but if I can’t meet all of your needs then I’m out of this relationship”
Characteristic Three: The Spirit-Centric Level – Your needs are my needs.
In this stage of a relationship, you both take responsibility for how the other person feels. You will not stop for any reason until your partner’s needs are met.
Points to Ponder!
• How would you describe which level you have been playing at in your relationship up until now?
• How have you been consistently relating in the relationship with your partner up until now?
• How would you describe where your partner has been operating?
• What have been the consequences of living in this way?
Let’s be honest – parenthood is a full time job and it can be overwhelming, exhausting and challenging as well as joyful, rewarding and fulfilling – so it naturally changes your relationship but does it automatically have to dull the excitement and variety in your relationship?
Your intimate relationship is actually the foundation upon which your entire family is built.
It’s actually about putting your relationship first and your kids second.
• So what have you discovered by asking yourself these questions?
• What small changes can you commit to making this week to improve, ignite or revive your relationship?
So are you ready to give it a go and try it out for just a month and be really curious to see what happens?
Relationships get tired, strained and familiar but with a small shift in focus and commitment you can have the relationship you truly deserve and have always dreamed of.
f you have found this blog helpful and thought provoking please pass it forward to your friends, colleagues, schools and nurseries.