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Have you told your kids the truth about Santa Claus yet?
If you have, chances are they’re older than 8. And if you haven’t, chances are someone else did.
But eventually, kids naturally wonder how Santa visits so many houses in one night
If it’s about time to tell your kids the truth about Santa or Father Christmas, but you aren’t sure how to do it without crushing their innocence or breaking their dreams – relax!
Here’s what to look out for, and what to tell kids about Santa when they start to probe for answers.
Questioning Santa or Father Christmas is a natural part of getting older. What parents can control, though, is how they respond to them.
Once you notice the unsure questions coming more often, it might be time to figure out how to gently change things. Sometimes, it’s less about when your child is ready and more about when you are ready!
While one or two queries might not signal the end, it could be time to start preparing.
You don’t have to come out with it all right away so if your child starts asking if Father Christmas is real, most parents myself included, say ‘of course,’ and if your child seems satisfied with this, even if they start to have doubts, they may not be ready to stop believing.
But, eventually, there may be a shift in the way they ask the question. When your child says something along the lines of, ‘Father Christmas isn’t real, is he?’ it can be useful to reflect the question back to them & to ask them what they think so you can figure out where they’re at in the letting go process.
When kids are older than 8 they can think more critically, & they’ll probably tell you Father Christmas isn’t real, and especially when their peers are talking about Father Christmas not being real.
This is a good indicator they’re ready to hear the truth.
Children react differently to hearing the news about Father Christmas. Some children feel proud to have matured into this grown-up secret, others feel embarrassed that they believed for so long, some feel sad to lose the version of the Father Christmas they knew.
Just listen, support & create a safe, loving and nurturing environment. Make sure that the focus is on honesty, connection and compassion, and that’ll ensure the conversation ends kindly & respectfully as they transition into a different kind of Christmas.
Christmas can still be magical as you maintain your own unique family traditions & make memories that last a lifetime.
You can also focus on ways to keep the good feelings associated with Father Christmas going. Talk about the spirit of Christmas — the generosity, kindness, the giving, the sharing, the connecting with the whole wider family, the joy & fun as that can help keep the magic alive, no matter our age.
It can be difficult for any child to learn that Father Christmas isn’t real.
Many years ago, mother of two Leslie Rush constructed a way to transition & move her children from receiving gifts from Santa to “becoming” Santa.
The method works by taking your child, who’s ready to learn the truth, out for a one-on-one meal. Then, you acknowledge & talk about some of the good deeds your child has done in the past year and chat about some examples of their empathetic & kind behaviour.
Finally, you break the news.
You can start off by saying that in fact, their heart has grown so much that you think they are ready to become a Santa. They have probably noticed that most of the Santa’s they see are people dressed up like him. Some of their friends might have even told them that there is no Santa! A lot of children think that, because they aren’t ready to BE a Santa yet, but YOU ARE!
Now YOU are ready to do your first job as a Santa!
Then, ask your child to choose someone they know, such as a neighbour, that they think deserves a special gift from Santa.
Your child’s mission is to secretly, find out something that the person needs, and then provide it, wrap it, deliver it —and never reveal to that person where it came from. Being a Santa isn’t about getting credit. It’s unselfish giving & teaching children to be kind & unselfish.
Some examples I’ve seen are noticing that someone needs a new pair of slippers, or a case for their glasses or a book mark.
Not only does this method help children avoid disappointment, but it teaches them the importance of giving and helping others.
Teaching children that they are part of a larger community, that they can be magic and bring magic into someone else’s life, gives them the best kind of power, empathy, kindness and thoughtfulness.
Take it steady and be guided by your child’s age and maturity and readiness to receive this new message around Christmas.
This is not about rushing in to rain on their magical moments of childhood!
Just be ready to answer your child’s questions, and stay focused on the bigger point — which is that children can become a giver — is not only an excellent solution to a tricky question; it has the added gift of being true.
It’s essential to handle it with kindness and sensitivity, as this can be an emotional topic for children. The key is to focus on the magic of the tradition, the values it represents, and the idea of passing on joy to others.
Choose the Right Moment
Select a quiet, private time when your child seems ready to talk. Look for cues, such as them asking questions about Father Christmas or expressing doubts.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
Be prepared for a range of emotions—curiosity, disappointment, or even relief. Let them express how they feel without judgment.
Frame It as a Secret of Growing Up
Explain that discovering the truth is part of growing up and that they are now old enough to learn this special secret.
Focus on the Spirit of Giving
Emphasise that the magic of Father Christmas lies in the joy of giving, kindness, and making others happy, which can still continue even if he isn’t real.
Parent:
“You’ve been asking some great questions about Father Christmas, and I think it’s time we had a special talk about it. Are you ready?”
(Wait for their response and nod reassuringly.)
Parent:
“You know how much fun we’ve had over the years with the idea of Father Christmas—writing letters, leaving out mince pies, and seeing the presents on Christmas morning. It’s all been so magical, hasn’t it?”
(Encourage them to share their favourite memories.)
Parent:
“Well, now that you’re getting older, it’s time for you to know a very special secret. Father Christmas isn’t a person who flies around delivering presents, but he is real in a different way.
He lives in the love and kindness we share at Christmas. All those wonderful things we’ve done to make Christmas special—like the presents and the stockings—were done by the people who love you, because we wanted to keep that magic alive.”
(Allow time for their reaction and respond gently to their emotions.)
Parent:
“And even though Father Christmas isn’t a real person, the love, joy, and excitement he brings are very real. That’s something we can carry with us forever isn’t it? How do you feel’’
Honour their age and maturity.
Tailor the conversation to their level of understanding.
Encourage questions.
Let them ask anything they’re curious about.
Share your own experience.
Tell them about when you found out and how the magic of Christmas continued for you.
Keep the magic alive.
Suggest ways they can help create the magic for others, like picking out gifts or helping with surprises.
This moment is bittersweet for you as a parent. It marks the end of an era—a chapter filled with wonder, excitement, and the joy of keeping the magic alive for your child. It’s okay to feel a little emotional about this transition. You’ve been part of creating something beautiful, and now you’re inviting your child to step into a new role as a guardian of the magic for others.
Let them know how proud you are of their growing maturity and remind them how special it is to be trusted with such an important secret. This is a chance for them to practice kindness and empathy, ensuring that younger siblings, cousins, or friends can enjoy the same enchantment they did.
Here’s how you can phrase it:
Parent:
“Now that you know this special secret, it’s really important to keep it safe for others. Younger kids, like your sibling, still believe in Father Christmas, and part of the magic is letting them enjoy it just like you did. Think of yourself as a helper—someone who keeps the magic alive for them. It’s like passing on a gift, and I know you’ll do a wonderful job.”
This conversation isn’t just about telling the truth; it’s about teaching your child to be thoughtful and considerate. It’s a chance to help them grow into someone who understands the value of keeping traditions alive—not for themselves, but for the joy of others.
As a parent, take comfort in knowing you’ve created memories that will last a lifetime.
Though this chapter may be closing or changing, the heart of what you’ve built—the love, generosity, and spirit of giving—will live on in your family’s celebrations for years to come. And now, you and your child can share a new bond as co-creators of that magic, keeping it alive in a new and meaningful way.
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