When did expectations change around potty training and fall into the role of the Primary School Teacher & why do today’s parents find potty training so tough?

70% of British primary schoolteachers have noticed a rise in the number of 3-7-year olds wetting themselves during the school day.

As a former Deputy Head and Class Teacher for 22 years I also taught 35 five-year olds in Reception but I certainly didn’t think it was my job to toilet train the children in my Class. Of course, children have accidents and of course kindness, compassion and patience were all part of supporting the child.

Many  teachers are voicing concern that such incidents are detracting from teaching time.

One teacher was quoted as saying: “School toilets are not designed for changing children. I end up supplying wipes and even spare underwear from my own pocket. Accidents do happen, but the expectation that I’m part of the toilet-training process is a step too far.”

And I have to agree with her.

For the past four years, Kindred² has surveyed thousands of teachers and parents to source robust evidence of the proportion of children that are considered ‘school ready’, comparing this to perceptions of parents.

They have used this evidence to highlight the impact on children and schools when pupils arrive in Reception having not met their developmental milestones and the difficulties that children, families and schools face from this.

Click on the link to read more about the School Readiness Survey by Kindred²

When did expectations change around potty training and fall into the role of the Primary School Teacher?

Across the developed world, we seem to be potty training our kids later and later. In 1957, the average age to start training was 11 months, and 90 % of children were dry during the day by age two. Today, the NHS says that it is not until the age of four that most children are reliably dry.

So why are modern parents finding potty training so tough?

It seems to be a combination of factors.

Modern nappies are now so good that children don’t feel wet or uncomfortable after doing a wee. As more parents are working it becomes harder to find the time to be patient around teaching children this fundamental life skill as potty training takes TIME.

Then there’s the issue of fragmented care – with more parents working and children in nursery, it can be harder to establish the continuity necessary to potty-train successfully.

Also, we no longer live within a stone’s throw of our own parents, relatives or grandparents so new mums are simply getting less common-sense advice handed down from people with experience.

My own Mum described washing terry nappies by hand, and drying them over a paraffin heater so no wonder she wanted me out of those nappies pretty quickly. She had a massive incentive!

Without judgement but being practical, most children are ready for potty training around the age of two – and since raising children is not an exact science, some are ready and some are not.

There’s no exact age but if parents know that they should be looking for signs that their child is ready & that it’s a normal part of parenting to teach their children to go to the toilet around the age of 2 then expectations will change and the onus will go back to parents preparing their children not teachers.

Language, maturity, and the intention to empower children to feel independent, capable and competent all matter. While most children have sufficient bladder control for potty training by the age of two, lots of other factors are important too like a child’s communication skills, their personality and their temperament.

At the age of two, children are learning what they can control in their lives – they are striving for independence so potty training, eating and sleeping, doing things for themselves like doing up their car seat or pulling on a jumper become important for a toddler. The secret is to embrace this stage of development to help a child become more independent without turning everything into a battle.

Here’s My ABC Checklist For Potty Training

At some point you will have to go cold turkey on nappies because consistency is key. It’s no good potty training at home for a couple of hours, then sticking on a nappy and heading out of the house for the rest of the day, or trying to do it before your mother in-law comes to stay for Christmas, or when you’re away from your normal routines. Schedule a few days at home, set the intention to teach your child how to go to the loo and ditch the nappies for good.

 On average, most children begin learning to use a potty by around their second birthday, but, as with everything in children’s development, each child is different.

Up to the age of 20 months, toddlers’ bladders need to empty often, and their muscles aren’t always fully developed which makes it difficult for them to master holding on for the loo. Coupled with their lack of dexterity as they haven’t yet developed how to master their clothing going to the loo is still a tricky and difficult skill to manage.

Some parents find it easier to toilet train their children during the summer, when toddlers can run around with fewer clothes on but if your child is a winter baby then this might not be the right time for your child, however old they are.

The secret to toilet training is your child’s readiness for it and your relaxed and positive state of mind.

Just trust your instinct and intuition and always go with your toddler’s readiness.

It can take longer for boys to learn, especially as they also have to master the act of going while standing up and most boys learn to go sitting down first and then Dad, mum or an older brother can then show them how to do it the other way.

Here is the ABC of potty training

A — Assess your child’s readiness

B — Buy the right equipment

C — Create a routine

D — Ditch the nappy

E — Explain the process

F — Foster independence

G — Grab some training pants

H — Handle setbacks gracefully

I — Introduce night training

J — Jump for joy — you’re done!

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Resource

You can download my The ABC Checklist for Potty Training that I have created especially to support you during this process

Additional Article:

Potty Training Tips: Poo Problems

In addition … 

I have a whole range of Quick Win Videos around Potty Training – you can access them from the link below

Quick Wins – Potty Training

I have also created the 24 Week Toddler System for raising happy, confident, independent toddlers for clients who sign up to work with me

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Here are some questions you need to consider when preparing your child or during the potty training process:

Readiness

1. Is my child showing signs of readiness?
   • Does my child show interest in the bathroom, ask to use the toilet, or stay dry for longer periods?
2. Can my child communicate their needs?
   • Is my child able to let me know when they need to go, either verbally or through gestures?
3. Is my child physically ready?
   • Can my child pull down their pants and get onto the potty by themselves?
4. Is my child showing discomfort with dirty nappies
   • Does my child express discomfort when their nappy  is wet or soiled?

Timing and Environment

5. Is this a good time for potty training?
   • Are there any major changes happening soon (e.g., a move, new sibling) that might affect consistency?
6. Is my child’s daily routine stable?
   • Am I able to provide a consistent routine for potty training?
7. Is the potty easily accessible?
   • Do I have a potty or potty seat that my child can easily use?

Approach

8. What approach will I take?
   • Will I use a reward system, or focus on encouragement and praise?
9. Am I prepared to be patient and flexible?
   • How will I handle accidents, and can I avoid showing frustration or disappointment?
10. How will I handle setbacks?
    • What will I do if my child regresses or loses interest in potty training?

Involvement and Support

11. Am I ready to be consistent?
    • Can I commit to regular potty times and reminders throughout the day?
12. How will other caregivers be involved?
    • Are other caregivers (e.g., partner, grandparents, daycare) on board with our potty training plan?
13. How will I model or demonstrate potty use?
    • Am I comfortable with my child observing how I or other family members use the toilet?

Child’s Perspective

14. How does my child feel about the process?
    • Am I considering my child’s emotions, comfort, and enthusiasm about potty training?
15. Am I respecting my child’s pace?
    • Am I pushing too hard, or am I allowing my child to progress at their own speed?

These questions can help you reflect on your approach and readiness for potty training, ensuring a smoother experience for both the child and the family.

It’s important that you toilet train your child before starting school so they can focus on all the exciting learning opportunities that school brings.

Toilet training before starting school is important for several reasons that impact the child’s comfort, independence, and social interactions:

1. Independence and Confidence

• Self-Sufficiency: Being toilet-trained allows children to manage their bathroom needs independently, which is crucial in a school environment where teachers cannot assist each child individually.
• Confidence Boost: Successfully managing their own bathroom needs can give children a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence, which positively impacts other areas of learning.

2. Social and Emotional Development

• Avoiding Embarrassment: Accidents at school can be embarrassing for young children and may affect their self-esteem or lead to teasing from peers. Being toilet-trained helps minimize these risks.
• Positive Social Interactions: Children who are not toilet-trained may feel different from their peers, which could affect their social interactions and ability to make friends.

3. Health and Hygiene

• Maintaining Hygiene: Toilet-trained children are better equipped to keep themselves clean, reducing the risk of infections or skin irritations that can arise from prolonged exposure to soiled clothing.
• Establishing Good Habits: Early toilet training helps instill lifelong habits of good hygiene, which are important as children spend more time outside the home.

4. School Readiness

• Meeting School Expectations: Most schools expect children to be toilet-trained before entering, as it ensures they can participate fully in school activities without frequent interruptions.
• Focusing on Learning: When children are toilet-trained, they can focus more on learning and participating in classroom activities rather than worrying about their bathroom needs.

5. Teacher and Classroom Management

• Reduced Disruption: Teachers have more time to focus on teaching when they don’t need to assist with bathroom needs, leading to a more effective learning environment.
• Classroom Dynamics: A classroom with fully toilet-trained children runs more smoothly, with fewer disruptions for bathroom breaks and accidents.

6. Parental Peace of Mind

• Less Stress for Parents: Knowing their child can manage their bathroom needs reduces parental anxiety about how their child will cope at school, especially during long school hours or field trips.

Ensuring that your child is toilet-trained before starting school helps them transition smoothly into the school environment, contributing to their overall well-being and success in this new phase of their life.

Hope my suggestions help  🚾