Your Friendship Has Gone Wrong. What To Do Next.

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Posted by: Sue Atkins

Is it you? Is it them? Or is it both of you?

Children are always falling in & out of friendships as they navigate the choppy waters of relationships aren’t they?

I remember when I was Deputy Head  attending our schools Carol Concert in Bletchingley many years ago when 2 grown men started bickering outside the Norman Church about their two 8 year old daughter’s falling out that day!

Kids fall out quickly & make up quickly & it’s best not to take it too personally or get too involved unless it turns nasty & into bullying.

Kids need to learn how to resolve conflict & learn how to give & take, forgive & negotiate life’s ups and downs.

This year I lost a friend of 15 years. I’m not really sure what made that happen.

I know I must have done something to trigger it & I always look for my part in anything in life I may have done wrong  as I believe in taking responsibility for my mistakes, my hurtful remarks or unintentional hurtful actions.

I enjoy reflecting & being mindful so I meditate regularly to tap into a more spiritual side to my life, as I’m not religious, but mindful of something bigger than me & I try to tap into & understand a wider perspective to events, people & circumstances.

I’ve pondered the situation when I’ve been walking my dogs & painting my painting by numbers pictures in lockdown.

Friends are important to me, like us all,  and Covid has changed many people due to anxiety around their health or their family’s health, or finding lockdowns incredibly challenging, boring or scary & has impacted on all of our mental states &  we never fully understand what another person is going through or what events trigger a past experience in their lives but sometimes the universe gives you a situation that you hadn’t expected, to teach you something about yourself, or the other person. Maybe it’s about the need to restore the balance to a relationship that’s no longer working, or allowing the friendship to change or even to allow the friendship to cut loose and let go.

Friendships and romance may not always run smoothly but in the best of relationships you are comfortable enough to “be yourself” which I think is vitally important.

The sad part of what I discovered is that my friend didn’t try to sort out the misunderstanding because out-of-balance relationships require the input and effort of two people to continue.

I’m reminded of this quote:

‘People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime’

Life has been challenging for us all this year & I just hope that when things settle down a bit more we may just pick up where we left off.

I found this  article by Suzanne Degges-White, PhD  helpful so I thought I’d share it with you from Psychology Today so you can ‘talk & teach’ your children about friendships, as like everything in life,  they need our guidance & wisdom.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/experts/suzanne-degges-white-phd

 

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