The Behaviour Blogs Part 4 – The Controllivitz – ‘Do As I Say’ Style of Parenting
Posted by: Sue Atkins
The 3 Styles of Managing Your Child’s Behaviour
There are 3 broad styles of managing children’s behaviour but what has the most influence on your child is your confidence, style and personality.
- Your style affects the atmosphere, mood and tone in your home.
- Your style is a blueprint for what your children copy and learn from as you are their first role model.
- Your beliefs determine your style as well as your approach to disciplining your kids.
Over the next couple of days just ask yourself:
“Which style do I want to choose for my own children to experience?”
“What memories am I creating for them?”
“What am I teaching them?
“What are they learning from my behaviour, tone and attitude?”
If you don’t like what you discover – don’t beat yourself up, just commit to making a small change this week that will become a big change over time.
Let’s look at:
Mr & Mrs. Controllivitz – Authoritarian or Strict ‘Do As I Say’ style of parenting
- Children must be controlled
- “Don’t give an inch” – otherwise kids will take a mile
- Parents deserve respect automatically.
- If I appear flexible my kids will take advantage of me and I will have lost control
- Bringing up kids is a battle so I must win no matter what.
- I “tell” my kids what to do
- I threaten them with punishments
- I send them to their rooms and don’t explain, discuss or teach them my rules, expectations or reasons.
- We have a poor relationship
- We all have high levels of stress
- Learning, motivation and being relaxed together are all significantly damaged through this way of doing things.
So can you see yourself in this style?
Then perhaps it’s time to make a change to a more flexible style of ‘Authorative’ Parenting to improve your relationship.
Characteristics of Authorative Parenting
According to developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind authoritative parents share some common characteristics, including
- They listen to their children
- They allow their children to express opinions
- They encourage their children to discuss options
- They foster independence and reasoning
- They place limits, consequences, and expectations on their children’s behavior
- They express warmth and nurturing
- They administer fair and consistent discipline when rules are broken
While the expectations of authoritative parents are high, these kinds of parents also tend to be flexible and research shows children thrive and bloom with this style of parenting.
Authoritative parents act as role models and exhibit the same behaviours they expect from their children so because of this, their children are more likely to internalise these behaviours and exhibit them as well – and they become more self regulating.
Coupled with consistent rules and discipline children relax as they know what to expect.
These parents tend to model good emotional understanding and control & their children also learn to manage their emotions well too and they learn to understand others.
Authoritative parents also allow their children to act independently & this freedom teaches kids that they are capable of accomplishing things on their own, which helps to foster strong self-esteem and self-confidence – so nurturing and developing a ‘Can Do Kid’
Balance Is The Key
It might help if tou view this parenting style as a balance between discipline, emotional control, and allowing independence.
Try not to be too harsh nor too lenient; you can start by letting your child make more decisions, but also have regular discussions about those choices.
In the mean time why not download my “The Secret To Well Behaved Kids” Mp3 which will give you lots of my tools, tips and techniques all at your fingertips…..