4 Questions That Will Take Your Life In A New Direction After Divorce
Posted by: Sue Atkins
Life is full of change.
Sometimes it’s a welcome change like getting married or having a baby.
Sometimes it’s not so welcome like being made redundant or getting divorced.
Sometimes it’s simply part of life when children leave home and you feel bereft and question your role in life.
Whatever the circumstances change is a shift in your life situation, and it is a journey that people react to differently.
It can be challenging to cope during the transition.
‘Transition’ is the inner process of letting go of the way things used to be as you come to terms with the change and re-orientate to the way things are now.
I always say that a divorce is a process NOT an event and It can be extremely challenging to cope during the transition, as handling change is often very painful and scary.
So here are 4 questions to ask yourself that will nurture your spirit as you go through the process.
Go and make a cup of tea and get a pen and paper, and give yourself the gift of TIME to ‘Pause To Ponder’ these important questions.
1.) What is the most supportive thing you can do for yourself right now?
Take a moment to ask yourself this question. What is one supportive thing that you can do for yourself right now? It doesn’t have to be big, it doesn’t have to be grand, even the smallest supportive act can make a world of difference to your day. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself.
Do you need to sit down for 10 minutes to take a break from your busy day? Do you need to eat something? Do you need to stop overthinking your problems? Do you need to believe in yourself and praise yourself for the decisions you are making at this challenging time? Do you need to have a chat with a friend or go out for a walk in the sunshine?
Keep your answer focused in the present moment.
When you have your answer, go and do it. No guilt! Make it a priority to support yourself throughout the day by asking yourself this question regularly.
If you do this regularly a few times a day, and check in with yourself, in less than a week you will start to notice really profound changes.
2.) If I truly, completely and absolutely loved myself, what would I do or tell myself in this situation?
We all grow up with different life experiences and have various degrees of self love.
We are often really good at looking after other people but aren’t very good at looking after ourselves. By asking yourself this question, it allows you to approach all of your life decisions from a deeper place of self care.
Take your time & get still for a moment and ask yourself this question.
If you struggle with it just relax, breathe deeply and slowly and think of someone in your life that you deeply love. Imagine that they are you for a moment.
What advice would you offer them?
Learning to love, nurture and take real care of yourself is one of the most powerful and profound changes you can make in your life.
Learn to trust yourself.
Over time you will begin to build from this challenging period of your life and you will create a new nurturing habit through asking yourself these questions regularly.
3.) What do I need to take responsibility for in my life?
You, and only you, are responsible for your life.
You are responsible for your thoughts, your actions and the words that you say inside your head as well as the words you say to others.
It’s not healthy, empowering or helpful to play ‘the blame game’ or to join the ‘pity party’
You are responsible for the sort of energy that you send out into the world. When you take responsibility for your life, you become empowered, independent & stronger & can actually make really profound, practical changes to your life.
When you take responsibility for yourself and your happiness, it allows you to also see what’s in your control and what isn’t. It gives you back your power.
Of course none of us can control every aspect of our lives, but by taking responsibility for yourself it will allow you to focus on what you have the power to change and that is very liberating.
4.) What things/habits/feelings in my life are no longer serving me?
Jot down on your paper a list of all the things, thoughts, feelings, relationships, emotions and habits that are no longer serving you.
Keep writing until everything is out on paper.
When you look at your list, you may notice just one or two key things that are no longer serving you that seem to connect to everything else. Often when you address just one or two areas that are no longer serving you the rest just seem to take care of themselves as all the pieces of your jigsaw start to fit together in a new and better way.
My advice is to remember to ‘Keep It Simple.’
If the situation isn’t in your control, then perhaps it’s best to work on learning to let it go and accept it. If the situation is in your control, ask yourself what small changes you need to make to support yourself through the process.
If the situation is completely out of control, it may be that you need to release it from your life altogether.
By simply & regularly working with these four questions on a consistent basis, you will create a new habit and way of seeing the world, and you will be looking after yourself properly. You will definitely start to see amazing, magical and profound shifts taking place in your life as you start to move towards your this new phase of your life which I like to call The Phoenix Stage.
If you’d like to join me on my ‘Suddenly Single’ Retreats that are planned for the New Year drop me an email [email protected] to find out more.