This is the best article I have ever read on life after divorce.
The journey is a painful one, but the suffering is optional – and the reason I know this is because I have gone through this very challenging experience myself and as I always say to the parents I work with, “Divorce is a process – not an event”
I found the One Page Profile Process to invaluable to myself and then separately with each of my children as we looked at Working/Not Working from both of their individual perspectives which really helped me nurture, guide and navigate the very choppy waters of the divorce process with them at the centre of the process.
Do take the time to pop over to read the full article I think it will change your life.
“Why do some women do well after divorce, while others get stuck?” a divorcing client asked me, confronting her worries head on. “I want to be happy again. I want to rely on myself and not be afraid of the future. I can’t make it without his support, but it’s tough being tied together for so many years through the kids and the money.”
Indeed, financial entanglement is a double-edged sword. Moving on is much harder for women (and men) who remain connected via a custody share, child support or alimony. How do you get closure when the contact and financial dependency continue? What’s the key to regaining your independence and confidence?
My answer is something most people already know, but nonetheless is the greatest challenge of divorce: You commit to being happy or commit to being right. The smartest women I know choose happiness, and this has been the key to rebuilding their life. I’ve observed five actions and attitudes these women adopted that made the difference in their recovery process. It’s never too late to start.
#1: No More “Woe Is Me” (ideally after the first year)
Smart women make that mental shift from victim to survivor, and they take the necessary steps to get there fully.
By far the most important (and most difficult) step is to impose a statute of limitations on feeling sorry for yourself, even if the conflict is ongoing. The first year, it’s normal to dwell on the loss, to cry, grieve, vent to your family and friends about every last detail. But after that, even though you’re still raw, it’s important you make a deliberate mind shift from seeing yourself as a victim. Regardless of what your husband did or is still doing, you don’t want to make the pain of your divorce your identity and your calling card.
Read more here