Suddenly Single Survival Tips – ‘Giving Yourself Permission.’
Posted by: Sue Atkins
I’d hazard a guess that you suffer from ‘The Big ‘G’ – the big gremlin of Guilt particularly if you are going through a family break up or a divorce.
I’ve lost times how many times I’ve worked with Mums in particular about their overwhelming feelings of guilt – whether they are working Mums, stay at home Mums, part -time Mums or Mums going through being Suddenly Single. Women seem to be programmed with it and it just holds us all back, keeps us stuck and it is really anger turned in on ourselves about not reaching some idealised standard that we have set for ourselves.
As women, and mums, we find it difficult to ask for help, delegate parenting jobs or share our needs with others. It’s also about wanting to be a perfect parent – who only exists in Hollywood films I’m afraid!
There’s even a word for it. Etymologically speaking the word ‘atelophobia’ is composed of two Greek words; the prefix Atelo(s) means imperfect and the postfix phobia means fear. Therefore, the word Atelophobia literally means they fear of being imperfect
So, what is guilt?
Guilt is often a message from within that you have violated your own high standards, or others try to make you feel guilty, as they may want to have a hold over you even unconsciously.
I work with many parents who suffer from what I call “The BIG G” the gremlin of GUILT and it can come from working parents feeling guilty about their work- life balance, to parents feeling guilty about losing their temper, not playing enough with their kids or feeling guilty about being separated or divorced to feeling guilty about having to leave work at 5.00 instead of 5.30 to pick up their child from After School Care.
The list is endless.
You can read my article Suddenly Single Survival Tips – Ditch the Guilt
In this article, I want you to embrace the circumstances that you find yourself in now & one simple way is to give yourself permission.
Today, tomorrow, next week and each and every day, you have permission.
You have permission to divorce.
You have permission to want more.
You have permission to say ‘No’ to people, whether they are colleagues at work, people at home, your Mum, your best friend or whether they are your ex’s solicitors. You have permission to say ‘No’ to demands on your time, to your energy, to your things you don’t like or agree with.
You have permission to focus on new goals, new dreams, new hopes for your life, new directions to take your future single self.
You have permission to let go of friendships that no longer serve you, energise you or lift you up.
You have permission to change.
You have permission to be more assertive & not be the person you once were.
You have permission to get angry and speak up.
You have permission to set new boundaries.
You have permission to be your true authentic self.
You have permission to dress up, dress down, wear high heels or slippers. You have permission to be exactly how you are.
You have permission to be happy every day.
You have permission to do what you love.
You have permission to not live your life according to other people’s rules, beliefs or expectations.
You have permission to be creative, expressive, truthful, exciting and outspoken.
You have permission to not accept friendship requests from people on Facebook & block them.
You have permission to not believe everything you read.
You have permission to share as much or as little as you like on Facebook, to blog or not to blog, to Tweet or not to Tweet, stay on social media, or leave it. You have permission to reflect and ponder what feels right for you and your family.
You have permission to be great at some things and hopeless at others.
You have permission to be any body shape you like.
You have permission to not be a perfect parent every single day.
You have permission to sing loudly in the car.
You have permission to embarrass your children with your lack of knowledge about Snapchat, text speak or the latest craze.
You have permission to filter negative people from your life & to surround yourself with upbeat, positive, strong and loving people.
You have permission to be a disappointment to some people just as long you are not a disappointment to yourself.
You have permission to do nothing sometimes.
You have permission to not to have had the perfect relationship.
You have permission to be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship.
You have permission to trust your intuition.
You have permission to have a bad day.
You have permission to care, love too much and get things wrong.
You have permission to say ‘bugger off’ to anyone who has ever said that you’re not ‘good enough.’
You have permission to get angry, swear or lose your temper sometimes.
You have permission not to be perfect.
You have permission to celebrate your strengths, be successful and earn lots of money.
You have permission to celebrate getting up every morning and putting one step in front of the other.
You have permission to be proud of how far you’ve come and celebrate that fact that you can pay the bills and are taking small steps towards being free from debt.
You have permission (as Frankie said) to do it your way.
You simply just have permission to be, do, have anything that makes your soul sing and your heart dance.
You have permission to know that you are enough.
Hope you found this helpful. You have permission to share it if you want to 🙂
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