10 Things You Must Do When You Find Yourself Suddenly Single.
Posted by: Sue Atkins
Whether you have just gone through the end of a relationship or have lived the single life for a prolonged period of time, being single has its advantages and of course, it’s disadvantages. But no matter what you’re feeling on your single status, one thing remains true: you are free, independent & able to choose your attitude, your mindset & how you view this period of your life and if you are like most people, it means that you will, one day, find love again if you want to.
Here’s some ideas to get you started.
1.Get good legal advice.
2.Get good financial advice.
3.Get good parenting/ co-parenting advice.
4. Go on a ‘Suddenly Retreat’ with myself, Jo & Nicky to empower & nurture yourself while finding other women in the same situation as yourself. Where you can Take Stock, Take Charge & Take Off
Take a look here
Once you find that you have turned the corner & have come to terms with your change of circumstances & have begun to embrace being single here are some things you must do to get the most out of life.
- Stay single for three months.
Don’t jump straight into a new relationship too soon. It’ll probably be a rebound, knee jerk reaction & you haven’t given yourself enough time to ‘Do The Work’ on yourself. Take your time. If you have just got out of a relationship, learn to enjoy life on your own. Find the things that make you happy, give you pleasure & use this time as an opportunity to do things that you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to. Learn to spend time without a significant other. Go on a few dates if you want to, but keep it casual. Learn what you like and dislike and give yourself a hard, firm timeline to stay single. You’ll find that when you are content and at ease with being single, you’ll be less likely to jump into a relationship for the wrong reasons!
- Take a trip or have a holiday with a best friend.
Reconnect with your friends. Take a long weekend trip to visit somewhere beautiful, or go on a city break, or lie by the sea and read a great book. Laugh, chat, connect & spend time doing the things you love doing with the people who know you best. It will recharge, replenish and nurture your soul.
- Travel. Visit a foreign country by yourself.
Be bold. Be brave. Come out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself. Being in a relationship can be great, but so can being single. Reframe it from a negative into a positive. If you think being single equals being alone, reframe being single to being independent.
I set myself a target of ‘When I get through my divorce I’m going to treat myself to exploring Peru’ so 2 years later I sat on the top of Machu Picchu pondering how far I had come. How about visiting Venice, exploring Australia, or visiting the pyramids in Egypt? You’ll find it liberating and adventurous: a true, once in a lifetime opportunity. Maybe you’ll get the travel bug and decide to explore lots of interesting places from Bath to Balmoral, and you’ll have great, interesting stories to tell everyone when you get back. It will strengthen your self-esteem and build memories for yourself that will last a lifetime.
- Be picky. Don’t fall too fast or too easily.
If you find yourself single but are ready for a new relationship, don’t rush. If you don’t like online dating – don’t do it, but join clubs and do activities that interest you instead, as you are far more likely to meet someone naturally there, who shares a common interest with you. Also, learn to say no without feeling guilty! It’s much too easy to jump right back into a relationship if you’re just out of one, or jump too quickly at the first sign of electricity and a spark, when you’ve been single for a long period. Don’t do it! Take the opportunity to find someone who truly complements you, who you have a deep connection with, and who you find attractive, & develop intimacy over time. Enjoying a relationship is not a competitive sport. There’s no rush. Be picky, don’t settle. Stay true to yourself and your high standards.
- Find yourself.
The easiest path to a happy, healthy relationship is understanding what you like and what makes you happy. Take the time to find yourself while you’re single. Learn what you love, rediscover your goals and ambitions, and write down your priorities. Make sure any relationship going forward allows you the opportunity to be your true authentic self. There’s always give and take & compromise in any relationship but make sure you have a firm understanding of what you want from a new relationship going forward with the lessons you’ve learnt from your past. Make sure you don’t fall back into old patterns that no longer serve you.
- Reconnect with old friends & actively meet new people.
Relationships, marriages and break ups can be very hard on friendships.
While you’re single, reconnect with old friends and create a meaningful, lasting connection that can continue no matter what your relationship status. Don’t use friends as a crutch to fill the void of your lost relationship though, rather look for ways to ensure that your friends and family are in balance with your new ways of thinking about yourself.
You’ll be surprised but some people that you thought were good friends just disappear while you are going through the process of divorcing & this isn’t uncommon. But life is all about managing the hands you are dealt with grace, aplomb and positivity.
So, be open to meeting new people every day, or at least learning more about the people you already know, work with or bump into. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and feel isolated when you don’t have that special someone in your life. So, take the lead and smile and talk to people at your office, at the supermarket, or at the gym, etc. it’s a great way to stay social with no pressure. It’s not just about finding someone new, rather it’s a chance to become a more social, engaging person, with a positive disposition, embracing life and what it can offer.
Start to notice happy, engaged couples on the train, in restaurants or just around you, as it will reconnect you with how people & friends with a great relationship behave. Don’t do this to feel wistful, but to stop yourself becoming bitter! Find people who are around your age and hang out with them. See what they do well as it will help keep your old relationship in perspective. Notice how they handle conflict as it’s easy to romanticise relationships and focus solely on the honeymoon stage, just take time to see what a true, long-term commitment should be based on & look like.
Becoming Suddenly Single can be a shock but don’t let it define you. Over time become your own best friend. Use the experience to strength you not embitter you.
Come and join our Suddenly Single Community to find new friends and activities to nurture your soul.