The easy part is dividing up the furniture – the hard part is dividing up the friends.

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You really have 2 divorces – the private and the public.

In your private divorce you face your own demons and battles and go round and round in circles about your ex, your past and yourself.

In your public divorce, you confront the community you live in – your friends, your family and your acquaintances.

Both divorces are battles of perception.

Who were you? Who are you now? Who will you become next?

It becomes a crisis of identity – the easy part is dividing up the furniture – the hard part is dividing up the friends.

One of the most important factors in your life becomes ‘The Friend Who Stands By You.’ The solid, loyal, dependable person who bears witness to your divorce journey.

This is the friend who knows the pain of your journey, sticks with you through ‘The Crazy Time’ and celebrates your success when you reach ‘The Phoenix Level’ and have carved and forged a new life for yourself.

In the trauma of divorce your friendship has deepened.

These are the friends that really matter because these are the people who have heard you cry and made you laugh, and they are the ones you are truly grateful for.

They held you up when you wobbled and believed in your ability to cope when you had lost your footing. They didn’t beat you up if you took 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, repeated yourself incessantly and went round in circles, because they knew that it takes as long as it takes – because divorce is a process not an event.

You’ll cut down forests, change the course of rivers, put up shelves, cherish crying children and be tested by your past as you embrace and step into your future because it’s almost a mythical journey, but you’ll survive, until you thrive because that ‘s what eventually all divorced people do.

In the end living well and being at peace with yourself is the best revenge – no matter what your story. With a little luck and perseverance, you’ll finish the course and look back at how far you’ve come with a glowing sense of pride.

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