As my Decree Nisi came through this morning in the post – I found it immensely liberating…
Posted by: Sue Atkins
As my Decree Nisi came through this morning in the post I found it liberating..
Letting go and moving on is a process in my opinion – easy to say – VERY tough to do.
I am experiencing first hand the stress of dumping, ebay – ing, selling & donating the last 21 years of my married life as I move forward preparing to sell my beloved Tudor Farmhouse set in the Surrey countryside.
At first it filled me with dread – now it fills me with gentle hope for the future.
I have observed my own progress, coming up to over a year ago after the extraordinary shock of discovering on Facebook that my husband of 21 years was having some sort of mid life crisis with a 35 year old Romanian woman, who lived in Sweden, whom he claimed to be in love with!
I have been crippled with fear at 3am in the morning over my financial future, burdened with anxiety and dread of a lonely future as my children fly the nest and I battle the dark nights of a long British Winter with little oil in the tank and irregular payments for groceries and rail fares for the children.
Life is not glamorous or forgiving at times.
I have observed my incandescent anger, my sense of humiliation at being betrayed, my grief of losing family life as I had known it for 21 years and my fear of the future.
I also learnt who my true friends where – the women who called me, invited me out for a dog walk or a bottle of wine, who made me laugh, heard me cry and nurtured my bruised and battered self esteem.
I also learnt about the friends who let you down.
I have spent hours looking for a new home – angry at having to move , frustrated at the slow housing market and feeling powerless to “make things happen” as I am such a proactive person usually, but slowly the process took me to a place of excitement as I have recently found a Tudor cottage that is in a village I taught in for 20 odd years – hope , excitement and the shoots of new beginnings began to appear within me.
I hope I get the beamed cottage with its tiny garden but its lovely outlook.
I was going to call it Phoenix Cottage but I’ve mellowed …. Apple Blossom Cottage seems prettier……
I always say to my clients – divorce is a process not an event and I still believe that to be true as it’s not over yet. Our house has yet to be sold, the bags have yet to be packed and the photos have yet to be divided but the happy memories will always remain – they can never be destroyed and letting go and moving on is a mindset.
I have decided that it is much better to live a life of uncertain happiness than a life of certain misery where the fear of the unknown was keeping me frozen in a marriage of mediocrity.
I’ve never been one to settle for less than the best that life can offer me so I have absorbed & suffered the harrowing indignity of this experience and will continue to use it to propel me to emotional, financial and all encompassing independence that will make me even more formidable than I ever was before!
It will also make me a more empathetic coach when I work with my clients experiencing a divorce, break up or separation. I will have been there, done that and will be like Coriolanus as I will be wearing the T – shirt.
Bitterness is not part of my nature so in time I will get this period of my life into perspective and learn the lessons I am supposed to get from this experience & I agree with Mandy Hale “letting go is not for the faint of heart. It’s the hardest thing most of us will ever have to learn how to do…but still, we must do it. Loving oneself demands nothing less.”
Here is the full blog from Mandy about letting go and moving on I hope you find it helpful.