Posted by: Sue Atkins
In the movie The Interpreter, the character played by Nicole Kidman says, “Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.
If you like me, are totally honest you’ve probably had moments where you’ve silently fantasied about your ex’s life being a total disaster after you’ve split up no matter who was to blame or the reasons, silently hoping that their mini break to Italy will be a really lousy one, their bald patch will actually turn into a full loss of hair so their 35 year old girlfriend will suddenly realise that they’ve made a terrible mistake or that your life will really take off in marvellous directions so you can stick two fingers up at them because your life has worked out so wonderfully.
But in our best and silent moments, we know that their pain won’t make us feel any better.
In fact we’re only hurting ourselves.
This sort of resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die! You’re actually making yourself a victim and that’s not a great place to be or a great plan for success and happiness going forward.
If vengeance is a lazy form of grief, getting your life back on track and restoring your self confidence and sense of purpose is the best form of release from the underlying grief and sense of loss. Of course it’s hard work, of course you find you take 3 steps forward and 4 steps back some days but eventually you’ll find that you’ll get to the point where you CAN wish your ex well and really mean it, because it’s the best thing…….for YOU and of course that can only mean it’s the best thing for your kids – as that person who hurt you, let you down or betrayed you is still their Mum or Dad and you need to be mindful of that.