Should I let her boyfriend stay over?

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Inspired by George Clooney’s latest film, The Descendants, which features a difficult father-daughter relationship, family expert Sue Atkins has been answering your questions and making suggestions about how members who have posted on our Parents of Teens message board may find a way forward.

The following message was posted by community member unhappy40:

“Hi, my daughter is 16 and in her second serious relationship, she is my only child and we are quite open with each other. She has only been with her present boyfriend a few months but the subject has arisen regarding him sleeping over! “Her last boyfriend slept in the spare room and I don’t think she has had sex. I am on my own, single mum and don’t know how to handle the situation. She is very mature and we have talked about safe sex and she is now on the pill! Should I let him stay in her room?”

Sue Atkins Says

So this is not about me telling you what to do. This is about how you feel about this.

This is your house; your rules and so just take a minute to ponder…

What’s your answer?

You are there to be your child’s parent – not her friend – so it doesn’t matter what her friends are doing, what people on the telly are doing – it’s about your values, your rules and your beliefs.

Do you think it’s okay for a 16-year-old to sleep with her boyfriend under your roof?

How do you feel about being woken up by their noise or finding him in your bathroom in the morning when you get up?

What’s the message you are teaching your daughter by allowing her boyfriends to stay over?

What is she learning about herself, relationships and you from this situation?

This is a very common problem but it’s all about your personal choices and the message you want to your daughter to learn.

So just take time to ponder the answer and then you can relax knowing you are happy with what you’ve discovered and you’ll have your answer.

Hope that helps.

Read more of my advice in iVillage here

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