SAPS 85 How to Spot your Child’s Language of Love, New Job? – Sue’s Tips To Make Sure You Get A Better Work/Life Balance PLUS my NEW eCourse on ADHD & my Phone -In on ITV ‘This Morning’
Posted by: Juliette
This week’s episode of the Sue Atkins Parenting Show is sponsored by The Worrinots
In this episode we discuss:
How to spot your child’s language of love.
New Job? – Sue’s Tips To Make Sure You Get A Better Work/Life Balance.
Sue’s New eCourse – ADHD
PLUS Sue’s phone in on ITV ‘This Morning’ with Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford on baby led weaning, ADHD & a 3 year old who thinks his Mum’s discipline is a ‘joke.’
You can access Sue’s new eCourse here
My new eCourse: ADHD
ADHD affects one or two children out of every 100, and is more common in boys than in girls.
Struggling to concentrate, having too much energy or not being able to easily control your behaviour are some of the symptoms of ADHD.
ADHD is the most common behavioural disorder in children. It usually starts at about 18 months old, but symptoms usually become noticeable between the ages of 3 and 7.
We don’t know what causes ADHD but experts think it runs in families. It could also be caused by an imbalance in brain chemicals.
In this new eCourse we look at:
- What is ADHD?
- What To Do First
- You and Your Child: Ways to Support your Child’s Self-Esteem
- Helping Your Child with Their Challenging Behaviour
- Looking After Yourself
- Looking at Medication
- Discipline Strategies That Help You Handle Your Child’s Behaviour More Positively
- Where To Get Help
- Resources & Support
You can access Sue’s new eCourse by clicking here
Our Show Sponsor ‘The Worrinots’
Worry-Not says The Worrinots
The Worrinots is a ground breaking, award winning app which allows children to share their worries and fears in a fun, safe and controlled environment.
The primary aim of The Worrinots is to provide children with a platform that they can use to communicate their worries, fears and anxieties. The Worrinots application and characters have been developed with the help of some of the UK’s leading child psychologists to encourage children to share their concerns and deal with them appropriately.
The Worrinots won the UK App Award 2017 and is accredited by Orcha, the organisation for the review of care and health applications
The app features engaging characters, Rip, Stomp, Shakey and Chomp – who through fun and encouragement, enable children to share their worries and concerns. The Worrinots exist to urge children to speak out and manage their emotions and feelings whilst being exposed in a fun way to coping mechanisms.
The four fun characters, each with their own individual personalities and guidance styles, ‘respond’ to the children, with instructions of next steps or follow up whilst whilst ‘ripping up’, ‘chewing’ and ‘stomping on their worries!’.
Meet The Worrinots
These character conversations are managed by a unique dual platform whereby the Worrinots App is downloaded in two parts – one which is managed by the parent / guardian and the other which is to be put in kids’ hands as a fun app.
Co-creator Tracy Gladman, has spent 20 years in education and has a real passion for working with and in the interests of, child wellbeing. She has left her teaching career to manage the Worrinots full time. The Worrinots team have worked closely with child psychologists to develop the app ensuring complete safety, security and effectiveness.
The app has been cleverly constructed to offer both a safe and fun environment for kids and complete security for parents and carers meeting a very real need of ensuring the happiness and the wellbeing of children.
Within the platform are ‘worri-tips’ which provide expert advice about sharing problems and hints and tips for managing concerns however big or small. These age appropriate tips can be ‘switched on or off’ allowing for relevant content depending on the child’s needs. The typical age of active users is children 4 – 12 years and their families and carers, however the app has been designed to flex and suit children of a slightly older age, to cater for those with learning difficulties or even Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Connect with The Worrinots
Don’t Stew – Ask Sue Parenting Q & A
Did you know there are five styles of communicating love that each of us responds to more naturally?
Each one of us has a primary love language that we prefer and that helps us to make sense of the world. Conflicts or misunderstandings occur when as parents we don’t use or understand our child’s primary love language.
Every child has an emotional tank, a place of emotional strength that can fuel them through the challenging days of growing up and just as cars are powered by reserves of petrol in their fuel tank, so are children fuelled from their emotional tanks. So it makes sense for us to fill our children’s emotional tanks for them to reach their true potential.
So, how do we do this?
It helps to know to know that there are five basic ways to show love.
Hugs and kisses are the most common ways to express this kind of love. Tossing your toddler in the air or spinning them round, reading a story with them sitting on your lap, rustling a teenager’s hair, or touching them affectionately on the shoulder are only a few examples of showing and expressing physical love. Physical touch is one of love’s strongest voices. It shouts “I love you” yet many parents or adults now fear calls of sexual abuse, so they hold back from what is one of life’s most natural expressions of affection. So just relax and express your love appropriately and naturally.
Words of Affirmation
Our words are powerful. Words of praise, affection, endearment, encouragement and guidance are ways of really saying, “I care about you.”
Words can nurture your child’s soul and give them a deep sense of security. So, if this is your child’s primary love language, choose your words carefully and be gentle in your tone of voice.
Appreciate, don’t criticise and look for lots of ways to be positive in encouraging your children.
This is basically receiving your undivided attention. We have all heard about “quality time” over the years, and we all beat ourselves up about not doing it enough-but it doesn’t mean playing endless games of Ludo or cricket in the garden. It means focused attention for as long as you feel comfortable.
- Ten minutes talking with your child and doing nothing else at the same time, is quality time
- Fifteen minutes doing a jigsaw together is quality time
- Half an Hour singing on the” Sing Star” with your daughter is quality time.
It’s the gift of being present in a moment and not reading the paper or looking at the TV or preparing dinner. It’s just being together-not scaling Everest or going to “Disney World”
The giving and receiving of gifts
Giving and receiving gifts has long been a natural human activity.
The word “gift” comes from the Greek word meaning “undeserved gift.”
A true gift is freely given and is not a pay back or bribe. It is more a way of saying. “Thank you.”
The act of giving actually has little to do with the size and cost of the gift. It has everything to do about love. So don’t let the TV advertisers coerce you into bigger and bigger presents.
It’s not about falling into the trap of giving a gift instead of spending time with your child or giving your child a reward for tidying their room or coming off the computer as this is really a manipulative tool to control your child’s behaviour. This type of “gift” is really a bribe and can send out a mixed message which can confuse a child.
But a surprise special little gift for your child, like a buttercup when you’re out walking or an unusual pebble, speaks volumes to a child whose primary love language is the giving and receiving of gifts.
Acts of service
Parenting is by its nature, service orientated. It is physically and emotionally demanding.
The ultimate purpose, for doing acts of service for children, like making their bed, washing their clothes etc is to help them emerge as mature adults able to do things for themselves and to become independent.
This area of a parent’s love needs to develop as the child develops. It also teaches children to be helpful, kind and to go out of their way for others. It requires a parent to be sensible and not to overdo the cosseting.
It really doesn’t help your son not to teach him how to use the washing machine or the iron! But by fixing a bicycle, mending the dolls dress or picking your teenager up from a disco you’re showing your child that you love them.
These are invaluable ways to show your child you love them, yet by remaining sensitive to your child’s needs for growing independence you are teaching them to become responsible for their own lives.
Be on the look-out for your child who shows you they love you by the things they do for you. This could be their primary love language.
Free ebook, The Positive Parent Daily Workout
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