SAPS 110 – New Baby? How to get your partner to help out more. Let’s Talk’ – Teenage Smokers. Sue in Conversation with Sean Grover.

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Posted by: Kevin Mulryne

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Show notes:

In this week’s episode

New Baby? How to get your partner to help out more.

‘Let’s Talk’ – Teenage Smokers.

Plus … 

I am in Conversation with Sean Grover to listen to the full interview, please click the link below:

Sue in Conversation with Sean Grover



Connect with Sean

Website

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Sean’s Book

When Kids Call the Shots: How to Seize Control from Your Darling Bully – and Enjoy Being a Parent Again

Are the children ruling the roost? When parents reclaim their power, everyone benefits.

Rebellious, entitled, disrespectful, many kids pummel their parents with demands and boss them around with impunity. Experts might label them “difficult” and advise how to “fix” them. But parenting struggles rarely originate from just one side. Instead, they erupt at the volatile intersection of a child’s personality with a parent’s own insecurities and behaviors. Fixing the child requires fixing yourself.

In When Kids Call the Shots, therapist and parenting expert Sean Grover untangles the forces driving family dysfunction and helps parents assume leadership roles. With a liberating message and perceptive advice, the book explores:

  • Three common bullying styles (defiant, manipulative, anxious) used by kids
  • Parenting styles (guilt-prone, anxiety-fueled, fix-everything) that contribute to power imbalances
  • Critical testing periods in a child’s development
  • Coping mechanisms that backfire
  • Personalized plans for calmly exerting authority in any scenario

Caving in to tantrums and threats breeds more of the same. Learn to stop the cycle of abusive behavior and make parenting a pleasure again.

Available now on Amazon

Don’t Stew – Ask Sue Parenting Q & A

Q. Dear Sue, I’ve just had a baby. How in the world do I get my partner to help out more? Val Mankan from Huddersfield.
A.

Dear Val 

Thank you for contacting me with your issue – I hope that the following will help you. 

I don’t think most men take a backseat maliciously; it isn’t that they’re too lazy to help or that they think their baby can get a clean nappy right after the football scores have come in. It’s just that most need a nudge.

Women often think that a man should help just because. But if you explain what you need and why—as obvious as it probably seems to you—it stimulates the problem-solving centre of his brain.

You need to be specific.
Men are not mind readers & after a few (hundred) times, they catch on 😊

Get a piece of paper and jot down a few practical things you’d like help with so he feels part of the ‘We’ Team of raising your child – encourage him to feel a ‘co-pilot,’ not a passenger.

Often Dads feel a bit helpless in the early weeks particularly if you are breastfeeding so include him in small ways to build confidence and engagement. Skin to Skin is a lovely way to bond.

Here some links I hope you will also find useful as you go through your parenting journey:

Quick Win Series – Babies: Bonding

Quick Win Series – Babies: Weaning

Quick Win Series – Babies: Sleep

Quick Win Series – Babies: Teething

All the best 

Sue

Q. Dear Sue, I’ve recently discovered that my daughter, who is 20, is smoking. What do I do as I detest it? Adam Dreiser from Sunderland.
A.

Dear Adam 

Thanks for contacting me – I know exactly how you feel … 

Anecdote about my own daughter   

My Mum had Emphysema so I have a huge problem with smoking! Discovering it on her Graduation Day = big challenge !

Some parents categorise smoking as a minor offense. Others view it as unhealthy and addictive behaviour that has to be dealt with immediately. Whichever philosophy you follow, how you handle the smoking issue could set the stage for the more serious confrontations that may follow later in your child’s life & your relationship with them.

Over the years you’ve probably made it clear your feelings around smoking. I know I did.

This is a bit different as she’s older.
Is she hanging out with people who smoke?

When kids are young you can talk to your child early about the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle. Lead by example. If you smoke, welcome the opportunity to quit. If you are a non-smoker, resist the temptation to preach. Most importantly, let your children know exactly how you feel about the issue of smoking and that actions will result in consequences.

No one said raising children would be easy, but when approached from the perspective of positive parenting, it will be worthwhile. When dealing with childhood problems, be honest with your child. Be consistent. Keep your word. Children recognise very quickly when someone is being dictatorial or hypocritical. Practice positive parenting and you will find yourself surviving even the most challenging parenting issues.

Keep the long-term bigger picture and the relationship you want to have with her.

Don’t lecture – don’t fall out over it but don’t compromise your views on it as everyone knows it’s bad for you! Even she does!

Hope this helps,

All the best 

Sue

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