How Failing Forward Will Make You A Great Parent

Like it? Share it!

One of my favourite parenting stories is about a famous research scientist who made several important medical breakthroughs. He was asked by a journalist why he was so successful and he told the story of a very early lesson he learnt from his Mum when he dropped a carton of milk in the kitchen.

Instead of shouting at him she said, “What a wonderful mess you’ve made – what a huge great big puddle! I bet you’d love to play in that great big white milky puddle. Go on then – have some fun before we clean it all up!”

After about 10 minutes his Mum came back and continued,” Well, you’ve had your fun so it’s time to clear it all up. So, how would you like to do it- with a towel, a mop or a sponge?”

They both spent some time on the clean up operation and then his Mum did a remarkable thing in my opinion that changed the little boy’s destiny. She said, “Let’s go out in the garden and fill up the carton a few times so you can practise carrying it properly.”

The famous scientist remarked to the journalist that he knew right then and there, that it was OK to make mistakes and he didn’t have to be afraid of failing. He learned that his mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new.

What an amazing story and a remarkable Mum – transforming her perception of an accident and a mistake into a lifelong learning lesson.

Making mistakes and getting things wrong is a really natural and important part in learning.

Minor failures and set backs are just the way we all learn – by trial and error. I call it “failing forward” because being willing to learn from your mistakes and blips helps you to get brilliant feedback to help you correct and fine tune your life so you constantly keep moving forward.

Every experience will teach you something if you are open minded and willing to let it.

One of the secrets to parenting is to keep a positive focus no matter what’s going on around you. Stay focused on your past successes rather than on your past mistakes or failures. Keep your eye firmly on the prize which is to bring up happy, confident well balanced adults – today’s children but tomorrow’s future.

Keep focused on the long term relationships you want to build with your children as this keeps you out of the untidy bedroom, undone homework scenarios that most parents get stuck in! It stops you sweating the small stuff and gives you a wider and bigger perspective.

One of the things I encourage parents to do when they work with me is to set aside 15 minutes at the end of each day to write down in their Positive Parent Journal all the things that went well that day no matter how small. It’s a time to pat yourself on the back and to acknowledge your successes. It builds your confidence and you fall asleep in a really positive frame of mind which helps you to wake up positively to begin a new day.

We are all really good at beating ourselves up as parents but we also need to recognise what we get right too!

During the night your unconscious replays and processes what’s gone on through your day and remembers  the last things you’ve seen or heard or read before you fall asleep – so why not make your last thoughts positive and uplifting ? It’s also why reading bedtime stories to your children is so important to them. It helps them feel safe and relaxed.

Failing Forward.

How do you embrace it?

• Stop waiting for perfection
• For permission
• For reassurance
• For someone else to change
• For your kids to mature
• For someone else to give you all the answers
• For someone else to give you a clear set of instructions

The secret is to relax, reframe a mistake as a learning experience so it’s a ‘failing forward’  and learn from your mistakes – every experience will teach you something new – we’re all just a work in progress.

Here are some tips for teaching children how to embrace and learn from failure:

1. Model a Positive Attitude Toward Failure

Show your child that failure is a natural part of learning by openly discussing your own mistakes and how you’ve grown from them. Normalise the idea that everyone fails at times.

2. Encourage Effort Over Perfection

Praise effort, persistence, and creativity rather than focusing solely on the outcome. This teaches kids that the process matters and that trying is just as important as succeeding.

3. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

When your child experiences failure, help them analyze the situation. Guide them in thinking through what went wrong, what they could do differently next time, and how to approach the problem with new strategies.

4. Create a Safe Environment for Failure

Give your child opportunities to fail in low-risk situations. Whether it’s trying a new activity or working on a project, ensure they know it’s okay to stumble and that they’re supported no matter the outcome.

5. Encourage a Growth Mindset

Teach children that abilities and skills  can be developed over time. Help them understand that mistakes are not a sign of weakness but a stepping stone to growth.

6. Reframe Failure as Feedback

Shift the focus from the idea of “failure” to “learning.” Emphasise that failure provides valuable information on how to improve. Encourage your child to view setbacks as learning opportunities rather than roadblocks.

7. Celebrate Small Wins and Progress

When your child tries again after failing, celebrate their perseverance and small successes. Highlight how far they’ve come instead of focusing on perfection.

8. Teach Emotional Regulation

Help your child process the emotions that come with failure, such as disappointment or frustration. Teach them to cope with these feelings in a healthy way, whether through deep breathing, talking about it, or taking a break.

9. Share Stories of Famous Failures

Discuss stories of people who experienced significant failures before succeeding, such as athletes, inventors, or artists. This helps children see that setbacks are often part of success.

10. Set Realistic Expectations

Help your child set achievable goals and understand that not every attempt will lead to success right away. This prepares them for the reality of failure and helps them manage disappointment better.

By fostering a supportive environment and focusing on resilience, kids learn that failure is not the end but a crucial part of the journey toward success.

It’s certainly a more positive way to handle life’s ups and downs – give it a go & let me know how you get on.

Related Articles

The Sue Atkins

Parenting Show

Discussing every possible aspect of parenting, giving you advice and support on topics which affect your daily life. Each free, weekly episode is bursting with practical tips, techniques and ideas.

Hi, I'm Sue Atkins

I will teach you my no-nonsense, simple techniques & give you hundreds of my expert parenting articles, videos & podcasts so you can get back to the business of having fun with your family!

As Seen or heard in